She played the guitar with fingers like the sun.I’ll never forget how soothing her touch was upon my yearning skin. Time imprisoned me in a masterpiece But I didn’t deserve that recognition from her. The kisses were a silent wind that brushed strands of hair from my eyes.
Within her arms we were love that manifested itself from our passionate cores and with that moment I forgot we were two women embracing each other’s souls. I forgot how paralyzed I had become.
She taught me how to breathe in the life of morning’s dawn and see beyond what society condemn us as. She was true to her thoughts and true to her love but if only I could do the same. Frighten of it all I became a withdrawn flower that didn’t allow the sun inside.
Her voice whispered in my sleeping ears, “Bloom so the sun may warm your chilled remorse.” She paused in thought and I opened my eyes to her own, “So that you can see who you are and not be afraid.” She leaned down to me as we slept under a vacant oak tree where we carved our names among everyone else’s. Her lips pressed with my own and I could taste her strawberry lip gloss. My memories capture another moment in time.
Today I hold her picture in my grieving hands and I try to be strong for her…for us. It’s been three years now since she passed away but I don’t like to remember her face sometimes. The reality of it only reminds me she’s no longer here.
While my throat tightens of breaths and my eyes cloud over when I lay a rose by her grave. Here I sit for hours never wanting to leave. I felt like I was abandoning her. Each passing day I tell myself to bloom like she always asked of me, and each passing day I lose another pedal to my sorrow.
On the first day of spring I stumbled upon a left over CD she gave me days before she died. I’d forgotten all about it since I was too overwhelmed by shock when she left this world. The CD was labeled “When the Flower Blooms”, her first attempted at a record with her favorite acoustic guitar and a voice so pure it was like water smoothing over scars.
I cried hearing her melodies, her guitar, and her lyrics inspired by our love. I cried because she felt alive again and I smiled for I knew that by letting remorse go she could thrive within my captured memories. She could live on.
Her voice chimed through the speakers of the car I drove. The window was left down while I allowed my grief to pour out. Suddenly I realized I drove to the meadow where the oak tree stood without meaning to.
I never saw so many wild flowers dancing in the breeze. They seemed to beckon with an eerie trance that I couldn’t help but frolicked with them. I laughed with a peace of mind as I closed my eyes and pretended she was there dancing with me. I breathed in the sun’s rays feeling the warmth over power me and with my arms outstretched to the sky I felt myself bloom.
----Image supplied by Corbis Phtography, Titled: "Woman Basking in the Sunlight", Photographer: Patrik Giardino--
